Are you angry?? I am.

I have been feeling angry lately, but instead of taking out my anger on the people I love, I decided I would explore it a little deeper.  So this morning I used my tapping (EFT) ritual to investigate the feeling of anger.

Jennifer Angry

 Those of you who know me might be surprised to hear that I was feeling angry.  I am actually a pretty mellow person and haven't ever really yelled in my life.  Yet anger is a part of all of us and I knew that there were some tense feelings lying below the surface that were showing up in other areas of my life (like this pain in my wrist and some mild crankiness).

Why was I angry?  Who was I really angry at? What was underneath this anger?  What was I gaining from feeling angry?

In case you have never done tapping before, you always start out by defining a subjective unit of distress aka the level of pain you are in, by using a scale of 1-10.  I was at an 8.  Then I moved on to the Karate chop point (KC) on the side of my hand and tapped there while repeating three times, “Even though I feel all this anger, it is safe to feel and I deeply accept myself”. 

I continued to tap on all my usual points.  Eyebrow, side of the eye, under the nose, chin, collarbone, under my arm and top of my head, all while allowing myself to verbalize out loud what I was angry about. 

It was really freeing to stop holding back all this anger.  I spoke about things that made me angry 30 years ago, 20 years ago, 10 years ago, 5 years ago and one day ago.  I tapped until I felt better.  Then I tapped while exploring those questions I mentioned before.

Why was I angry?  Who was I really angry at? What was underneath this anger?  What was I gaining from feeling angry?

I allowed myself to really feel my anger and what I ultimately concluded was that my anger was resulting in a feeling of being powerless.  I felt angry because I couldn’t control what happened to me in the past, I can’t control what was happening in the world and I can’t control when “bad” things happen.  

 It actually makes total sense if we acknowledge that anger is one aspect of the fight, flight, & freeze response, which is designed to keep us safe(aka alive).  When humans feel out of control they get angry because they believe that their life (or life as they know it) is changing.  Anger is a great tool to reclaiming a feeling of power.  It gives us a voice, but sometimes it makes us resort to physical violence, which is never ok.

What if this feeling of  being powerless was just a belief and not actually 100% true?  What if the things that we believed made us powerful were actually lies or at least partial truths?

Here is the reality.

We don’t need to have tons of money to have true power. We don’t need to be in politics to have true power. We don’t need to overpower others to feel powerful.

The only power that I want to cultivate is my own personal power. 

I don’t need money to know that I have choices in my life.  I don’t need to run for office to have a say.  I have no desire to have power over others, because all that really makes me is a bully.

I have the power to choose my mindset and make healthy decisions.

I have the power to choose to see the good in people and situations.

 I have the power to be a source of compassion and light in the world. 

I have the power to do good and choose kindness.

This is the only kind of power that is truly valuable to me.

I will continue to try to deepen my understanding of where my anger comes from and clear it every day, because no one is perfect!

 

Wisdom Questions: Why are you angry?  Who are you really angry at? What was underneath this anger?  What are you gaining from feeling angry?  What kind of power do you value?  How can you give your children tools to express their angry feelings or give them more personal power?

 

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EFT/Tapping Exercise:

Take a moment to bring to your mind’s eye a situation where you felt anger or the anger you are feeling now.  Rate the stress you feel in your body /emotional pain 0-10

KC: Even though I am feeling angry.  I choose to accept myself.  Even though this feeling doesn’t feel good in my body.  I choose to love myself.  Even though this heat has taken over my body I choose to have compassion for myself.

Eyebrow: This anger

Side of Eye:  This angry feeling I have.  I hate it.

Under Eye:  I don’t want to feel angry but it just happens.  I feel out of control.

Under Nose:  This anger boils up to my throat and I want to scream.  I just want them to listen to me.  To hear me.

Under mouth:  This anger comes into me and it’s so overwhelming.

Collarbone:  sometimes all I can do is cry or stay quiet.

Under arm:  I am afraid of this anger.

Top of head:  This anger is in charge right now.

 

Pause and take a moment to tune in.  Have your experience of anger gone up, down, stayed the same?  Just notice with a kind awareness. Then continue tapping.

 

KC: Even though I have this anger and pain I honor how I feel.  Even though I have strong feelings I choose to be open and accept myself.

Eyebrow: Why does it seem like people do things to make me angry.

Side of Eye:  I just don’t have the patience anymore.

Under Eye:  Don’t they know how hard it is for me?

Under Nose:  I don’t want to get angry.  I just want them to listen.

Under mouth:  It is so frustrating

Collarbone: That stress in my body.  It tenses all my muscles.

Under arm:  That tense feeling

Top of head:  This angry tense feeling.

 

Take three deep breaths.

 

Eyebrow: this anger is only a feeling.  Feelings come and go.

Side of Eye:  This anger won’t last forever.

Under Eye:  It reminds me that I need to take care of myself.

Under Nose:  It reminds me to look at what I need.  Sleep. Rest. Balanced diet

Under mouth:  When I am feeling fulfilled.  This anger will come and go

Collarbone:  I do not need to beat myself up for this anger.

Under arm:  Everyone gets angry sometimes

Top of head:  It is ok to get angry.

 

Eyebrow:  I am only human.  I don’t have to be perfect all the time.

Side of Eye:  I am doing my best.  My family is doing their best in the moment.

Under Eye:  I can learn from this anger.

Under Nose:  I can grow from this anger.

Under mouth:  I am allowed to feel angry.

Collarbone:  I am allowed to feel peace, joy and love.

Under arm:  I allow myself to be human and to make mistakes.

Top of head:  I know I am a good person.

 

How do you feel now? 

Feel free to share in the comments or reach out to me at jenniferATthemindfulfamily.com.