I used to be a great mom. I used to have my shit together.
I cared about what my kids ate, read and played for hours on end and then some, nursed for over four years(in total), and put them to bed before 8pm after lying in their bed until they drifted off to dream land.
I arranged playdates, volunteered to be class mom, carpooled, etc. etc. etc.
I had another kid. Three kids. Three daughters. Three personalities. Three schools. Three…you get the drift. Three, might as well have been thirty.
The coping tools that I had with two kids no longer worked after having my third. Mindfulness helped when I had two, but it didn’t cut it with three.
After my third, I stopped caring so much.
Well more accurately I just didn’t have the energy to care so much anymore. Any semblance of appearing like I had it all together was gone.
I gave it to what they wanted.
Sugar, sure! Ipads, why not? Passy, sounds good!
I only put my energy into the areas of parenting that I felt was essential for raising happy and well-adjusted children (aka not murderers).
I am a big believer in the power of a growth mindset and brain neuroplasticity. I believe that any damage that might be done after daily ice cream and YouTube videos can be reversed in time.
Play dates with great friends. Check
Summer camps and other extracurricular activites. Check.
Quality time spent with each of them (almost) daily. Check
I love my kids more than anything.
I also honor the fact that I don’t have the consistent energy for mothering because I’m a projector (You can learn what your energy type is HERE).
I put my health first. I model what it looks like to be a real, imperfect mother, NOT a martyr.
Sure, my kids eat sugar and stay up watching their Ipads, but they are good people. They are unique, they are kind (well most of the time), they care about others and they know they are loved no matter what they do.
I want to invite you to look at the ways that you are a good enough mom, instead of focusing on the ways that you think you fall short.
Instead of worrying about all the ways you are failing your kids, write a list of 10 ways that you are kicking ass at motherhood.
Do you feed them every day? Make sure they have clothes? Roof over their head? Couple of good friends? Daily hugs and kisses?
Do you see how much you do????
You are doing a good job, even if you don’t have your shit together.
If you want to see where you’re at on that “having your shit together” scale. I made a 3 minute quiz for you. Check it out HERE.